Wanna see my vacation pics?

Okay, here they are.  I’ll admit right up front that I slept for most of the trip there and it was dark for most of the trip back, so I was never really certain where I was.  Still, it’s nice to see new stuff, even if Momma never let me drive at all!  (As always, click on the pictures to get a size worth viewing.)

To say we started out early would be like saying that water is wet.  In fact, Starbucks wasn’t even open yet!  Fortunately, I’m not that picky about my morning coffee.  Later in the day, yes, but first thing starting out, half-asleep, not so much.  When we finally stopped for breakfast, I managed to slurp down some not Starbucks coffee.  Good thing I’m not a complainer, or I wouldn’t put up with such treatment.  The eggs were dry as well, and there was only one thingy of honey for the pancakes, but that’s okay.  I’m not one to complain when the world lets me down…which it does…often!

Even though I didn’t get to drive (not even once!), I did have a nice, comfortable seat on the dashboard where I could play the GPS game.  For most of the first day, I gave Mommy directions.  I’m sure she must have appreciated it.  Although, now that I think about it, she did find a motel for the night while it was still daylight.  Here I am telling her to park closer to the motel so that I wouldn’t get rained on while she carried me inside.

And here I am in my nice, soft motel bed being told to shut up and go to sleep for the gazillionth time.  You gotta say one thing about my Mommy — she doesn’t give up easily!  But did I complain?  Noooooo.  Know why?  ‘Cause I’m not a complainer, that’s why.

The next day was less eventful for me.  Mommy wouldn’t let me play GPS anymore.  I had to sit the car seat where I couldn’t see anything and couldn’t reach the radio dial either.  But we did stop and look at the scenery occasionally.  For example, here’s some corn.  I have absolutely no idea where this was.  It was just someplace with a lot of corn.  So probably, Kansas.  Yeah, that’s it…Kansas.  Must be.  I wonder what we were doing in Kansas?  It sure has a lot of corn!  I woulda named it Kornsas, but nobody asked me.  Nobody ever asks me.  But that’s okay — I won’t complain about it..

Here I am, resting in a nice comfy chair.  I’m not sure where this is.  It could be a motel, but given the number of plants in the window, I’ll bet it was at a Wisconsin relative’s home.  That bay window looks familiar.  Hey, I think I’ve been here before!  No, wait, it’s not the same at all.  Never mind.  It could be that nice place we ate while in Wisconsin.  I think that was my uncle’s house.  Pretty nice place, now that I think about it.

Everybody knows I like music.  All kinds of music.  Plus I like to dance to music, even if it’s only in my head.  So why, then, did my uncles tell me to sit down and be still when Mommy took me to their band rehearsal?  It just doesn’t seem right.  And the music was very danceable too — you know, for country.

Okay, I admit it.  I danced some anyway.  Then I took a nap.

The next thing I knew, it was the middle of the night and we were in the car, headed for Texas.   When I asked what was going on, Mommy just said, “Vacation’s over, time to go home.”  I think maybe she was missing Daddy.  She wouldn’t even let me play GPS, and kept control of the radio.  I had to sit in the car seat and pretend to sleep while she drove straight through, although she did let me dance when a really good song came on.  Occasionally I’d politely ask her if we were home yet, but after a couple of hours of that even I got bored with it…for awhile.  Eventually the sun came up but she kept on driving.

Finally Mommy bought a sack of coffee from some clown and we were off on the open road again.  (It wasn’t Starbucks.)  I told her I didn’t like “drive-thru” food because they don’t pay you for eating there.  She didn’t understand until I showed her all the money I’d gathered off the tables at all the places at which we’d been eating on the trip.  I figured that money was left for me because of how bad their food always was.  Not that I’d complain, you understand.  I mean, if I was going to complain, I’d start with talking about their level of service!  Mommy asked me how long I’ve been doing that, and I said “always”.  She said, “Even at home?” and I said, “Of course.  The restaurants are no better there you know.”  She must have finally understood what I meant because she turned a little pale and floored it at that point.

Except for gas and drive-thru food, we seldom stopped all the way back.  Here we are, proving that at some point we crossed into Missouri.  Guess what?  We’re nowhere near home yet.  But I didn’t say a word about it.  You know me — I wouldn’t complain if my pants were on fire.

We drove and drove and drove.  It got dark again and we continued to drive.  Sometimes I would see something I thought looked familiar and ask if we were home yet, but eventually Mommy quit answering.  So when we crossed into Oklahoma, we stopped and looked at the sign.  That’s when she explained that Oklahoma is really upper Texas, so technically, we were home.   Then she asked me if I’d please shut up and go to sleep now and something in her tone convinced me I’d better do just that…without complaining about it either…

(To see this sign at all you’ll have to click on it and make it bigger. Apparently my cap deflected all the flash from Mommy’s camera…)

Eventually we actually did find our way back to our den.  And even though we were a day early, Daddy was waiting up for us.  I put all my travel clothes in the hamper and, since I’d had a nice nap, I stayed up and told Tiger all about everything that went wrong with the trip — like not getting any restaurant money all the way home.

Mommy went in her room and told Daddy something (at the top of her voice) about how she’s never taking me anywhere again, and then she went to bed.  It’s been a couple of days now and Mommy’s still in her room.  She says she’ll come out when I move away to college.  Look, I know she doesn’t mean it, but just in case, could I come visit you for a while?  Not for long, maybe just till I get old enough to drive myself?  In the meantime I could ride with you and play GPS — sound like a deal?  You’ll find me an excellent house guest.  After all, I’m not one to complain about anything…